Ultra-processed-food has got worse: just take a tape measure to Heinz’s latest spaghetti

Plus a recipe for the quickest possible Spaghetti alla Carbonara, and how to downsize it.

Heinz’s  latest offering – Spaghetti Carbonara – has been getting a lot of attention in the press – and plenty of justified outrage – but one thing missing from the coverage, is how it demonstrates that ultra-processed-food (UPF) has got measurably worse.

And by measurably, I mean you can take a tape measure to the list of ingredients and see that it’s grown like Pinocchio’s nose.

This is the list for Heinz Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce, created 80 years ago:

Spaghetti (47%, Water, Durum WHEAT Semolina, WHEAT Flour (contains Calcium, Iron, Niacin, Thiamin)), Tomatoes (44%), Water, Sugar, Modified Cornflour, Salt, Acid - Citric Acid, Herb Extract, Garlic Salt, Spice Extract.

And this is what’s in a tin of Heinz Spaghetti Carbonara (typos all courtesy of Heinz):

Pasta (45%, Durum Wheat Semolina), Water, Pancetta (1%, Pork (95%), Salt, Spices, Maltodextrin, Dextrose, Acidity Refulators - Sodium Citrate and Sodium Carbonate, Antioxidant - Sodium Ascorbate, Preservative - Sodium Nutrite, Smoked Sunflower Oil, Natural Flavouring), Cornflour, Skimmed Milk Powder, Cheese Powder Blend (1%, Contains Milk), Milk Powder, Sugar, Rapeseed Oil, Salt, Modified Cornflour, Stabilisers - Polyphospates and Sodium Phosphates, Natural Garlic Flavouring, Black Pepper, Onion Extract, Dried Parsley.

For comparison this is the list for real spaghetti carbonara:

Spaghetti, Eggs, Pancetta or Guanciale, Cheese, Salt and Pepper

And in a further win for Pinocchio’s lie-detector nose,   it’s not just about length, but about food versus not-food:  I don’t want to imply that Heinz’s Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce is a healthy option, but it does contain 44% tomato, and additives but no chemicals.  Whereas the Carbonara,  apart from the actual spaghetti and 1% pancetta, you’d need a microscope to find any real food on the   list of ingredients.

What you get instead

• An impressive collection of chemicals: Maltodextrin, Dextrose, Sodium Citrate, Sodium Carbonate, Sodium Ascorbate, Sodium Nitrite, Polyphospates and Sodium Phosphates.

• Highly processed things that might once have been food:  Smoked Sunflower Oil, Cornflour, Modified Cornflour, Skimmed Milk Powder, Cheese Powder Blend, Rapeseed Oil, Dried Parsley.

• Additives that look like food but are nothing of the sort:  Natural Flavouring,  Natural Garlic Flavouring, Onion Extract.

What it might do to the lining of a stomach or blood stream is unknown but I gather you can feed it to children without social services getting involved, unlike cigarettes or alcohol. Which is a big relief for hard-pressed parents.

A further Pinocchio-esque feature is that it bears no relation to the original dish: in a three-ingredient sauce – egg, pancetta, cheese – it contains no egg, no cheese,* and 1% pancetta.

*Unless you count ‘1% cheese powder blend’, which I don’t.

Exactly how Heinz  hit on a dish that takes about the same time to make as it does to find your tin-opener is just another of life’s mysteries, but it’s a great thing to make when you haven’t much time and are in need of comfort food.  So faff, angst and finer points should be kept to a minimum, unless you’re planning to ask your dinner companion to marry you, in which case it would be better not to curdle the eggs.  However, for all other occasions, if you do, decide you have made spaghetti alla uova strapazzate (scrambled eggs) and enjoy every mouthful.

Here is the easiest way I know to make it, and some tips to remove the odd calorie without removing a nanogram of deliciousness.

Spaghetti alla Carbonara

The essence of making it  is to chuck some pasta in well-salted boiling water; chop up some pancetta and fry; grate a bit of cheese and mix it into a beaten egg with plenty of black pepper.    Add the hot drained pasta to the frying pan, mix with the pancetta,  quickly followed by the egg and cheese. Mix it a bit more so the egg can do as much cooking as it needs.  Serve immediately, grating a bit more cheese before tucking in.

However, if you have more time or like things to be a bit more precise, here’s the recipe with quantities per person.

Spaghetti alla Carbonara

• 80 – 100g spaghetti

• 15 – 20g parmesan plus a bit extra to add at the end

• 30 – 40g guanciale or pancetta

• 1 whole egg

• Salt

• Pepper

1. Put water on to boil for the spaghetti and add a teaspoon of salt.

2. Cut the guanciale into strips and fry till golden brown.

3. Grate the parmesan.

4. When the water’s boiling, add the spaghetti and cook till al dente*.

5. Beat the egg, add the parmesan and plenty of pepper, and mix well.

6. Drain the pasta, keeping back a ladleful to add to the sauce if it looks dry.

7. Add while piping hot to the frying pan and mix well with the pancetta.

8. Throw in the egg and parmesan, and mix well into the pasta so it can coat the strands and cook just enough to thicken and not be raw.

9. If the sauce looks a little dry, add the pasta water.

10. Serve with a little extra  grated parmesan.

* Al dente does not mean hard; it means you need to use teeth to eat it, unlike Heinz where an enthusiastic suck will do.

Diva Notes and Downsizing matters

Salt and water

Pasta needs plenty of water so use a good sized saucepan.  The water needs to be salty so add at least one and probably two heaped teaspoons of salt. If you are worried about salt, bear in mind that most of the salt stays in the water – taste it and you’ll see what I mean – but if you don’t put enough in at this stage, the pasta will be flavourless and you end up adding much more at the end.

Parmesan

You can use pecorino instead, or a mix of the two. If you are in a hurry, stick to one or the other.  But however rushed you are, don’t use ready-grated, It won’t melt and it’s aways disgusting.

Downsizing: use a microplane grater – it will give you a much bigger pile of cheese per weight than any other brand. Look-alikes are just that: they look the same but do not perform as well.

Guanciale, pancetta or bacon?

Guanciale (cured pig cheek) is best; pancetta runner-up; but if you only have bacon in the fridge, use that.

Downsizing: depending on your downsizing strategy, you might want to pour some of the fat off before adding the pasta.

Eggs: whole or just yolks?

I use the whole egg: it removes two faffs – separating it, and needing to add the pasta water as it adds moisture to the sauce.

Downsizing: it lowers the calorie density compared to just using the yolks.

Quantity of spaghetti

If carbs are bad news for you, reduce the pasta to 60 – 70g and eat a big salad first.

Optional extras that I usually leave out

Garlic:  it’s a hotly contested ingredient and not necessary to make the dish delicious. And if I am doing something quick, it’s another thing to do, and I don’t want to worry about burning it.

Cream: I never add cream because  it piles on the calories without improving the dish, it piles on the cost, and it  gets in the way of the instant cooking of the eggs